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Da Tru Life Of A Hotboy [entries|friends|calendar]

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(Join Me In Battle)

home comming [22 May 2007|10:08am]
[ mood | excited ]

i will be home weds. nite i cant wait but its been so long since i have been 2 tha rillo i've almost forgot what it feels like will i'll update when i get there holla back

(3 Casualties of War | Join Me In Battle)

from the pages of the HAGAKURE [03 Mar 2006|10:51pm]
[ mood | content ]

i just talk 2 someone that means a great DEAL to me it was good hear'n the voice of this person i felt better about myself but now i'm long'n for this person just 2 see hear smell an touch this person would make me whole again


It is bad when one thing becomes two. One should not look for anything else in the way of the samurai.
It is the same for anything else that is called a way. If one understands things in this manner he should be able to hear about all way an be more and more in accord with his own.

(Join Me In Battle)

in this place [28 Feb 2006|06:03pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

The world around me is just change'n an i dont know if its for tha better or not am i taking a turn for tha better i hope i got a job an i got a street game 2 but still i feel like i'm lack'n in life like there is sumthing i should be doing but i'm not really i dont know what 2 do anymore but i like not know'n these things in my life what is my path right now

(2 Casualties of War | Join Me In Battle)

what really good [14 Feb 2006|03:04am]
[ mood | creative ]

so whats really good journal nothing much just here chillin wait'n on my food 2 get done so i can eat all bad ass i really dont know what 2 say i mean i dont really have anything on my mind or my heart just alot of nothing going on with me that is sad i dont like just sitting around doing nothing but what can i do things arent getting better for me like i thought they would but damn i have 2 do sumthing i just thought i would up date this cuz i havnt done it in awhile so yea heres your boi a week ago i think i look damn sexxy if u ask me

(2 Casualties of War | Join Me In Battle)

by myself [28 Jan 2006|04:50pm]
[ mood | ditzy ]

What really good This tha kid BIG L U KNOW i'm just here sitting aside myself because i'm by myself an its just weird cuz i'm apart from brenda an that leaves me time 2 think like is this really how things are supposed 2 be cuz i'm right now i'm finding it hard 2 focus on everything an anything as of late its just hard for me 2 write now so i'm gonna 2 get at it later

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got my mind cash an my grind on smash in tha New year [19 Jan 2006|02:29am]
[ mood | bored ]

What really good your boi is in tha place 2 yea i know i havent been on 2 write in my journal i haven't really had shit 2 write about its just damn nothing going on really an if it is i just dont feel like write'n it down o well i'll get on my shit later OneLove

(Join Me In Battle)

THE PEOPLES NEW HOPE [27 Oct 2005|01:15am]
[ mood | uneasy ]

When i say i'm The Peoples New Hope i mean that cuz being who an what i am gets hope 2 my hood cuz everywere i go i carry my hood on my back cuz deep down in my heart i think i'm the only one thats cares about this place called tha heights i'm proud of my hood its not much but its home its were i grow up the only place in tha world thats means sumthing 2 me sorry its in my blood i wanna find a place 2 crawl an die in when someone talks about leave'n this place because no one in this world could understand the feeling i get when i leave my hood 2 go 2 work or sumthing like an i comeback its a feeling that i cant understand its like i get all warm an i just smile cuz this is my place cuz grown'n up i didnt have shit so when i say sumthing is mine i take pride in it an i dont ever think i could leave it without know'n that it was going 2 be looked after or cared about the way i do i know it sounds dumb talking about your hood like its the best thing in tha world i know its not but its sumthing 2 me an if u can't understand that Fuck u an fuck what u going thur
North Heights till tha end of me

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My lil time off [25 Oct 2005|01:08am]
[ mood | bored ]

ok last week i was off four dayz what happen really alot of nothing

Thur- lets see i woke up early an jump in tha streets walk around tha hood an went 2 tha park an ran in 2 cheslee at tha park an talk for awhile u know playing get 2know eachother again since we haven't talked since my b-day an then i did plan on going out 2 eat with shayla but that didnt happen o well didnt matter 2 me i just sat at home an got an hot high off my ass an that was my thursday

Fri- some of my nigga came over at like 8am told my sum foul shit that happen with a lil dirty ass nigga front'n 2 be family an when it came out he was no family what so ever damn that was a low blow cuz that didnt even happen 2 me but then again we all lost money behind a nigga that wasnt family an then tha best thing could have happen nikki drop a q.p. on me an j that she wanted us 2 sell so what do we do we get dressed up an hit Da shack it was iight i seen the same people i see on tha block so i left an when i get out side money man asked me if i wanted 2 try x so i said yea pop mine an went 2 city nights i was getting crunk tha a bitch i was speed'n like a hoe so at like 6am i went home watch a moive cuz i couldn't sleep for shit but i wanna say that was tha x keep'n me up but later at like 9am i went 2 sleep

sat - i woke up on misssion 2 make sum money cuz i really did sell anything so i got on feet packed up my bag with kill an clothes so i was on tha move for awhile then ended up at my dads so i washed my shit made sum calls trying 2 make sum biz that didnt really happen so i just waited around for sumthing 2 start poping nothing till about 2am i just hit up tha shack ran in 2 sum new faces it really wasnt shit so i left 2 find out my house got T.P.'d that really pissed me so i started break'n tha left over sheetrock an broke my glass of my ent ment. center damn i was mad chris told me i look like tha hulk break'n shit i laughed an got high an forgot about it

sun - i got up an cleaned tha shit around an off my house that was sum hoe shit oh well charged it 2 tha game like a boss do anywayz i started watched football an got hight with my cuzin april an Cj made my day alil better other then i just sat in tha house then mondo came home with Beer that made tha day just right i killed 3 beers an in went 2 bed

damn i need 2 do this more anywayz that what happen with me over my break from work

(1 Casualties of War | Join Me In Battle)

Damn people stop worry'n me [18 Oct 2005|04:07pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Really my heart was in it i think if were ment 2 be then she would be her now but there is so much dumb shit going on an i cant take it no more its like this brenda was gonna 2 come for a few days an check out tha feel with me & her right now my head is killing me cuz i can stop thinking about this bullshit its really dumb if u think about it cuz how it is cuz right now there is so much mixed up shit like it nothing has change at all i cant forget about us nothing in life comes close to tha feeling i have with i'm with her but its not just me being with her its about being happy for tha rest of my life i've cut everything in my life away just for her but right now there has 2 be a jester on both parts i'm about 2 do sumthing real dumb i'm about 2 put myself in a hole fuck tha bullshit i guess tha 956 is gonna 2 get a taste of that 806 life one more time fuck this i gotta go get my life my heart an my wife this shit is killing me now i guess but if we are ment 2 be then i gotta do this just for one more chance

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much needed update [15 Oct 2005|10:06pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

What it do its tha peoples new Hope BIG L anywayz what it do alot has been going on with me as of late i have been fixing my house trying 2 make it look nice u know so it looks like a place u wanna be at an not run from but anywayz lets see i've been grind'n when i can u know just hug'n tha block an keeping tha internet going nutz u know how a real nigga do but anywayz on tha up &up just trying 2 keep going sum nites if u only knew what i kneww an seen what i have seen in tha streets but anywayz i know its not really even late or anything but i cant just sitt here doing nothing so i'm gonna 2 make sum moves an then see what it looks like after that i'll holla at u journal sorry its been awhile but u know me i can write an less i got sumthing 2 talk a bout u know OneLove shit journal its not easy being tha peoples New hope

(1 Casualties of War | Join Me In Battle)

whatz tha damn deal [13 Sep 2005|04:06pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

look here its your boi L keep'n it 100 u know whatz really good i just finish chopp'n it up with brenda just u know getting right now i have been on tha up an up about tha shit just know'n that i wasnt wrong at all but yea i'm about 2 get on tha grind cuz i need 2 do me i'm gonna 2 stay on this path lead'n 2 Brenda but with all tha foulness on her part is gonna 2 make it alil harder then at 1st cuz it was easy going thur tha fact that yea i was wrong by leave'n when i was pissed at myself but now i know there was a deeper reason now but anywayz i'm gonna do right cuz i have been in tha right but damn

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TELL ME WHY [12 Sep 2005|08:41pm]
[ mood | crunk ]

tell me why i'm about 2 get heated over this bullshit check game journal this woman is about 2 make me mad cuz this past week i didnt really talk cuz i wanted 2 know if i missed her an really loved an wanted 2 be with her or was i just missing have'n sumone around an it comes i just really wanna be with her an just love her all 2gether but now i see she is on this bullshit still with another cake ass naw not going 2 go dont tha road just yet but i'll get at it when an if it gets there lets hope not

(1 Casualties of War | Join Me In Battle)

MY Heart & MY Soul [09 Sep 2005|03:42am]
[ mood | she is my new weed ]

damn journal u know me when i got a person on my mind i can't shake it till i talk 2 them but this isnt tha same ol thing this is a sumthing 2 deal with my heart an my soul i mean my heart an soul cuz long ago i gave my heart to one woman an my soul 2 another real dumb ? 2 be real 2 me it was cuz i try'd 2 be with both u know have my heart in one place an my soul another it was real foul on my part i was everything i hated about tha world a liar a cheater just really dirtty ass person an 2day i thought how would life be now if i didnt go down that path in life alot would be so diff. i would stil be with Brenda an Meagan would still be here so i would have everything i wanted in tha 1st place my bestfriend an my girlfriend an that was tha aim in the 1st place but sum were down tha line i started have'n my cake an eat'n it 2 an me being me i couldn't stop it once it started an then i found out that i wanted one more then the other i wanted 2 with Brenda but then i didnt know how 2 ended with Meagan so i didnt an then the fight'n with brenda more then i couldnt take it so it just caved in an then i started going thur a stage in my life that i went thur before an for sum reason it was stonger then before an i couldnt take it so i would wake up just full of hate for myself cuz deep down i did cuz i was just dirtty an i wouldnt come clean so i would take alot of my hate for myself out on tha one closest 2 me an it happen 2 be Brenda that not what i wanted 2 do its just that i couldn't  control myself so i ended push'n the one that loved me most away from me but now all i want is her back with me cuz i walk thur my house an that just not my house its her as well that was the house Logan an Brenda made but as of late we have been talking alot more an it feels right 2 me u know i'm not hold'n back anything from her i keep it 100 now but now i'm sitting here what do we do now do we try 2 make it work or just give up before anything starts yea right u know i'm not give'n up SO WHAT  i can just let my heart leave me forever but then again 2 gain sumthing you must give up sumthing i have \giving  up everything that made foul just so that one day that i am with her i can just be as pure as i am when i talk 2 her just that right feeling u know Zin or that get right whatever u wanna call it sitting here talking about her got me feeling haze'e like i'm just blazed off my ass or sumthing i'm just there now just that level that new Logan better smarter an just right for a change an while i sit here i dont feel any hate what so ever not even for tha people i hate most it just do phase me right now cuz i thats on my mind an my heart is Brenda

    My love,my friend,My heart, My air ,My kool -aid maker, MyWorld, My rib , My everything  but most of all My onelove    

 Hate it or love it pick one of tha two cuz no matter u'll have 2 DEAL with it


(1 Casualties of War | Join Me In Battle)

Damn 20 is GREAT [06 Sep 2005|11:33pm]
[ mood | a grown ass man now ]

damn i'm a dub an i really dont know how 2 feel cuz my birthday has been tha day of ex's gurlfriend everyone of them that really ment sumthing 2 me has called an just they gave me all kinds of meomory cuz there were diff. stages in my life an just makes smile cuz i have grown so much from tha times i was with shayla 2 tha times with ashly to tanya to Brenda an now i'm just a all out better man now an i love that feeling u know just like damn i can do anything now seeing how i have changed over tha last 6years

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One Hour till i'm DUB [05 Sep 2005|10:57pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

What really good its your Boi LH in tha place yea tha kid is about 2 be 20 an i'm feeling myself alot u know cuz when 9-6 comes its over with u know me bout 2 turn it out this year but right now this year its gonna 2 be real 100%just L but right now i'm chopp'n it with brenda

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The last thing she said 2 me [28 Aug 2005|03:37pm]
[ mood | best word for it is guilty ]

The last time i seen her before i left for work she said dont forget me dont let me be like one of your ex's an just never talk 2 her an i told i would talk 2 her again an 2day i talked 2 her an i wasnt talking 2 tha same person anymore it was like talking 2 a enemy like i had beef with her or sumthing when in my eyes that was never tha case when we broke up it wasnt for another woman or cuz i cheated it was tha fact that i started hate'n myself an feeling like i couldnt trust myself so when i was with her it felt like i was cheat'n or hide'n sumthing so i couldnt be me anymore i really just forgot that i was me but what killed it for me is when she said "just get over it " an i was like well damn i'm over the fact that we will never be together but i'm not over tha fact that we did have sumthing an even if that is over i wanted a friendship cuz no matter what has happen i had felt like that is sumthing that could be worked out just a friendship but owell i guess i was right by thinking that ship has sailed so everyone that was thinking that sumthing would happen with me an her i told you ex's are ex's for a reason no matter how big or small but anywayz i'm done feeling sorry for ended it again with brenda cuz i did that so i wouldnt hurt her again tha same way an if u cant Respect that well damn i did sumthing for my own peace of mind but who really gives a damn about my mind but me well damn its almost 4 i got 2 go 2 cheslee's then 2 work i'll holla

(2 Casualties of War | Join Me In Battle)

Feelings about tha ones around me an the i miss with my all [25 Aug 2005|01:02am]
[ mood | angry at myself ]

i have been sitting here at my dads house for about 4 hours thinking an missing alot from my past life an its like damn what has happen in just a few monthz times cuz as of late my lil crew has been going back 2 doing what we all use 2 do before we met like my home boi sammy is gonna 2 make him a life with his babies mama an that good for him an then nick has been talking 2 his ex again an running tha street like back in tha old dayz an 2dayz ago me an apple were sitting down talking asking me why is that out of everyone in tha crew why am i not going back 2 being with my ex or even talking 2 her an i just sat there with this look on my face an all i could say is that ship has sailed an it wouldnt be right for me 2 bring a person down with me when she is doing so much for herself an then she started asking about what i was going 2 do with cheslee an i said i like tha gurl but what right do i have 2 even think about have'n relationship with sumone thats has been put thur tha same shit i put brenda thur an i was like thats not even right i wouldnt really be a good boyfriend so why do that 2 that gurl she hasnt done anything wrong an apple just looked at me an said "Logan you are dumb" to think u are the same person anymore i know have changed alot but i'm so unsure of myself sometimes wish'n i could change things but then i guess if things didnt happen tha way tha did i wouldnt be tha person i am i should just stop feeling sorry about myself an just take my chances with cheslee cuz niggas like me dont get 2 many chance 2 be happy let alone i have had 2 chances an i fucked up them both damn 3times i'm just lucky its like god is tell'n me that i need 2 get up an really do sumthing big cuz i'm getting 2 many chances in life an i cant fuck it up so do i put it on tha line an try or do i just give up before i even start this shit is not help'n me out at all cuz when i go home an lay in my bed i'll just think of how things use 2 be around my house at least then i had a reason then just sumthing 2 give my lil life sum mean'n i had another person 2 take care of an at least i was working for sumthing or sumone my heart really hurts cuz damn whats really good with or about me nada damn thing really but i was on tha phone with my an hour ago an she said sumthing that i have been saying since i moved out of my dads house " sumthings has 2 give " cuz have been working so hard an for really nothing i can hold in my hand so its time 2 get on tha grind even harder then before cuz i'm lose'n myself in my own mind just here doing nothing but damn learn'n my lessons tha hard way is killing me cuz if i would just have hung in there a few more days then maybe i would be better with my life i just wasnt ready i'm sorry to the ones i pushed away for nothing i will never be able 2 get the times i fucked up back i'm so sorry damn i can do anything other then just say i'm sorry

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thoughts of a lost man [24 Aug 2005|11:41pm]
[ mood | confused ]

as of late i dont know whats been going on with me like one min i'm just sitting there an then tha next i just start'n feeling bad about everything that has happen in life an then i just started type'n this an i thought i would post it so i never lose an then i can look back on this OneLove ~L~

Thoughts of a lost man

how do I start I have been doing me since 1985 make’s sumthing from nothing but what do I really have 2 show for it other then a line of broken hearts an empty memories that don’t mean shit 2 no one but me it hurts when everyone u once held close is gone an u are there by yourself wish'n u did things another way so maybe things would be better but then again I guess it all happen 2 me for a reason an the reason I don’t know but when its over I will ask why did I have 2 see darkness an hell in a glass is it my fault did I do sumthing wrong 2 end up like this Lost an alone damn how much can one heart take how many people have 2 hurt me how many people do I have 2 hurt till I know my reason I’m not focus I know what I want out of life but not doing what I need 2 do cuz I feel so lost life has me sitting still never move'n in the same place doing tha same thing over an over like a song u have on repeat What do I do with myself I gave my heart an soul away 2 never get them back I might as well give it up nothing will ever be tha same anymore so there is no real reason 2 sit around an wish for things 2 change should just play tha cards given 2 me 2days ago tha past hit me hard cuz I was looking around my house an I found old letters I wrote 2 myself an I found letters from Brenda an every feeling I had came back an hit me hard I tried my best 2 stop read’n but I couldn’t I kept on read’n I just keep see’n tha look on her face now as I sit here wondering if she thinks of me tha way I think of her but then I have 2 remember that we ended it an there is nothing that can be said or done 2 change that 2 be real life would be so much easier if I would just get it all 2gether its like some part of my life fit in an then other just don’t seem 2 fit at all like they are not part of my life but parts of someone else I been beat’n myself up so much an for what my past mistakes I have learned from them but why am I still being hunted by them I’m so drained its like I live tha same day over again nothing ever changes now its always the same thing like damn is that it nothing else just tha same thing day in an day out well damn I miss how things used 2 be not all tha fight’n just tha feeling of know’n everything was gonna 2 be alright one day I’m on top of tha world an then tha next I get sent back feeling like shit one day I’ll be ok cuz the only person that can stop me is me I cant let myself be stopped anymore I got 2 much 2 do with myself but I still can’t shake tha feeling of being lost

(1 Casualties of War | Join Me In Battle)

my hurting heart [15 Aug 2005|11:28pm]
Damn the last 2 dayz have'n been sumthing really sunday was a real lay me on my ass day cuz there are things that have been going on like there are things that really need 2 get fix like me an Meagan i dont know how are were it started i really dont care cuz for one thing no matter how thing were with me an her good or bad she had alwayz called me on sundayz not know'n it but anywayz she didnt call last nite an it really hurt cuz no matter what on sundayz i knew i had my friends phone call 2 look forward 2 but it didnt happen but i still got my sunday call but it wasnt who i thought it would it was cheslee an the 1st thing she said "hello sweetheart i know i'm not your bestfriend but i can try 2 be" i have 2 update... more 2morrow i got 2 much on my heart right now

(1 Casualties of War | Join Me In Battle)

new day [14 Aug 2005|02:05pm]
[ mood | busy ]

well what a weekend i didnt do shit really i'm sitting here talking Lesley on phone an wait'n for cheslee 2 call so i can go pick her up an just kick it before work but i've been here thinking u know life is not all that bad i dont need alot of people in my life i'm gonna 2 miss a few but i dont need them its tru that sum of them made me who an what i am but i dont need a person 2 defind me so i'm leave'n your bullshit in tha past were it should be an just be happy for my life now so to the ones the are gonna 2 be left in tha past its beeen nice OneLove 2 ya u all do your thing an i'm not gonna 2 change just tha people around me are gonna 2 change up

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